That morning, when I woke up
I wanted to stay in bed, couldn't get up
Suddenly, I had lost direction, life and ambition.
Unwillingly, I pushed myself out of bed.
Work was a blur, conversations I don’t even remem-ber.
Things didn’t matter anymore, my hair or the clothes that I wore.
Driven by no desire, I felt empty
I wandered around like the dust
moving with wind and settling down when it stopped
Every time I heard that word,
a shockwave travelled through my body,
I felt defeated and my voice felt shaky,
Tears would instantly flow,
I looked up the sky,
There are too many people here,
School made me hate myself,
Changed the reflection that i saw in the mirror
Labelled me like an item at the grocery store,
I started to believe them
2 months passed by,
the sadness remained fixated
inside me,
I was afraid it would never leave
Watching the blood on my skin
I looked at the time, the lights were dim
I felt relieved for the first time
I'd found a way to cheat
Out of the mental hell i was in
My thoughts became darker,
I was full of secrets,
6 months after,
A new beginning came knocking,
Slowly and unknowingly
I finally got to know myself
Familiarity and understanding
Both, came suddenly
Now that I look back
on that chapter,
I realised people can be vicious
Breaking a 14 year old's dream
was not uncommon,
Labelling her when she didn't know herself
seemed acceptable,
Ignoring her screams and teary eyes
usual
mocking her 'fake' tears, hilarious
All around her, were people
but she couldn't talk to even one
Fearing rejection
She confided in the internet
2 years later,
She's not the same now,
will never be
She has stopped trying to please people
She has promised to never lose herself,
Her desires and dreams are alive ,
And now she wants to help others
see the light
at the end of the tunnel
The same tunnel that seemed to be never- ending.
Depression is a serious mental illness and no, it's not something you can just shake off. You might not immediately know if a person is depressed because a lot of times, people choose to hide to evade the embarrassment that comes with admitting that they are suffering from a mental illness. It's invisible but slowly breaks you down from inside.
I wrote this because I know how it feels when you're in that state of mind. I'm not saying that this poem is an exact replica of what happened with me but a lot of people can relate.
So, my advice would be to not wait for as long as I did,
You should talk to your friends and family about it..
Hope this helped.
xoxox
