Change

It should be embraced but man, I hate it. It fucking scares me and makes me question everything. Why would I want to leave this place? I was only beginning to know it, I was only starting to fall in love with it. Why would I want to leave my friends? They're amazing and honestly, I can't help but question if we will survive this distance. Why would I want to leave this feeling of familiarity? I wouldn't.

It feels like starting over. Funny thing is that whenever I look back, I feel like it was meant to be. Every event that took place had a reason or maybe my brain wants me to think so.
Yes, things seemed bleak and scary but I made it through.

Don't get me wrong though, I want change, I want to go to a new place and meet new people. But as that moment comes closer, I feel so unprepared. I am caught off guard and I want to take a step back but I can't. I've already come too far. There's something unsettling about leaving, you start to look at people and places differently. The truth is you can never be truly prepared for change. It's going to surprise you, it's going to overwhelm you and there's nothing you can do about it.

Distance from home won't matter as time passes by but this time I don't want to have a countdown. I don't want to wait for college to get over. I don't want to wait to come back home. I don't know if these 4 years will be a blur or memorable or anything. All I know is I'm scared right now and it's because I don't know what and who will still be there with me after these 4 years. I want to be the same person but better. I want to learn and be independent.  I want my constants to remain constant. (you know who you are) I'm leaving but along with my clothes, I will be taking this city and a thousand memories with me.

4 years and I'll be someone else. Nah, I'll still be me.