Alone

Everything is weird. It's different and no, I don't want to get used to it. It's small and limiting. I feel trapped here and not very independent as I'm supposed to feel. I tried to make myself feel better by preaching the idea of being alone and being enough for yourself but it doesn't always work. I go on long walks because I want to escape myself, I want to escape this feeling of loneliness, this feeling of disconnection. The more become okay with being alone, the less effort I want to make to talk to people. It's confusing. I keep telling myself to go with the flow, laugh more and engage in the moment but the truth is I'm not okay. The past haunts me and so does the present. I walk down the road listening to music and observe the city so that I don't have to listen to my own thoughts. I feel alone and I know that only I can fix that but right now, I don't know what to do.