Take a moment

Stop everything that you are doing and take a moment to appreciate yourself. And make sure that moment lasts forever. Try to get to know yourself and ask yourself how you are. Be honest about the answer, spill out all your insecurities, the disturbing thoughts and the moments that made you smile. Look at yourself in the mirror and talk to yourself.

I've seen such a positive change in me since last week. It's almost miraculous. I feel so confident inside and so balanced. I don't know if my friends and family can see the difference but I feel it and its so powerful. Well, it may be a little harder to see for them because they don't know how my anxiety used to crush me every other day. 

I was sick of it. It had been two years and there were moments where I gave up on important opportunities and on myself. I cried because I used to get so conscious of even the slightest critical remark or even a joke. I used to think that other people are mean and heartless. (Yes, I'm very dramatic so...) But I was the one who demeaned myself the most, the one who pointed out every flaw and made myself feel terribly bad about it. I still have those flaws but now I laugh about them. The same things that I found embarrassing are now funny because I've learned to laugh at my tiny flaws. I've learned that just because you are not doing well or are not good at playing the guitar, at playing basketball or at math does not mean that you'll never be. I was so pre-occupied about the fear of being likeable that it's all I thought about when I talked to them. There was an anxiety filter in my body and every word that came out of it was instilled with fear and nervousness. I couldn't even smile because it was like being trapped in the web of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. 

Anxiety is pressing and dark. It's not entirely invisible because you can see my palms swearing, you can hear my heart beating faster, my mouth drying up in an instant. I say that I'm nervous but I'm not just nervous, I'm dying. I can't breathe and I can hear my heart beating. 

I haven't felt that way in a long time and I feel like I'm looking at life with a new perspective. Sounds like some teleshopping testimony right? Well, it isn't, and trust me, with 3 installments of $19.99, you can be just like me!