Friday 22 April 2016

The Guy Of My Dreams

Well, he's out there somewhere or at least he's supposed to be. 

So, I was listening to this song by J. Cole and it's called 'Dreams', it's about this girl that he has a serious crush on, he idealises her and thinks that she could possibly be all that he needs. And the constant question in his head is - Is this the girl of my dreams? 

We've all had that big crush, right? That guy who's your neighbour and you think you know him because you see him everyday. You meet him in the elevator and you exchange a few glances. You accidentally brush shoulders and you share that precious moment of eye-contact. 
He seems perfect with the most charming smile you've ever seen. He's ambitious, possibly older and seems so much more mature. He represents a kind of stability you want in your life. He walks to his car and your gaze follows him but when he looks your way, you pretend to not care. It's not like you were waiting for him to come down. But even if you were, it was worth it. Totally worth it.






He's confident and he makes you laugh. There are a million things, you want to tell him but the timing is always off. When it's not the timing, it's doubt. Does he even want to know? I want him to know me and my dreams. I want us to talk for hours about the good days, the mistakes we made, the people we loved and the dreams we are chasing. My mind went to great lengths imagining detailed scenarios. That is probably the reason why it lasted for as long it did. That spark of hope ignited a fire in me every time I saw him. Nothing ever happened between us but being so blinded by the idea of him and convincing myself that I was in love, I felt extremely happy but also sad. Sad during the night, when only my thoughts could be heard. Happy when I woke up and had a chance to accidentally run into him. 
Eventually, it disappeared when he did. 

Well, yes there were other guys but they weren't as intelligent, funny or driven as him. He makes me smile even now. The endless day dreams I used to have on my way back home, that we would secretly meet at the stairs and talk for hours.  We would be holding hands and looking at the stars and then I would wake up into reality. Well, I guess he was the guy of my dreams. But one that was not meant to come true.

It's been so long since I've thought about him. I never told him about my feelings because I didn't know how to. No, that's not it, I was too scared to tell him and I thought that it would make things awkward the next time we met. It's been more than a year and I haven't met him. As more time passes, I feel like I want to tell him. 

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