The Unrequited Love

We all know how this goes.

It’s never, ever, ever, ever going to be possible, not in a million years.

But you still hold on to it. You refuse to let go. Because every time you see him, all you feel is love. You fall in love with him and the world all over again. Every thing seems more alive. For a few minutes you forget about all your problems. You take a chance, you free fall, and dive.

The funny thing is how inconspicuously it happens.

It starts with a crush.

You know its him when

Little things get you excited, like when you talk to him, when your shoulders brush.

You smile to yourself when you think about the time when he unexpectedly took a picture of you. Or the time when he sat so close to you.

 But then it transforms into something more powerful, more intense. That’s when it hits you, you are in love. Wow, what a wonderful feeling to be in until you realize that it’s only you.

You thought time would help. Wrong, you were. Time didn’t change anything. Feelings remained constant, unchanged, untouched, and unfazed.

Songs that remind you of him, you still have them on repeat.

Places that remind you of him, you still go to.

Photographs that are a painful reminder of him, you still go through.

It was beautiful in the beginning, it still is but you know you have to let go.

Let it go. Let it go. Only because if you don’t it will destroy you.

The power that it has over you is overwhelming. Stronger than anything.

Hurt and sad about never having him, you cry. The tears slide on your cheeks from your swollen eyes. Those memories make you think. One minute, you’re smiling, the next you’re crying.

People don’t understand. You’re too young. He’s too old. They tell me.

It’s true. The facts are. But I know what I feel. And that’s true, too.

It’s not my imagination; it’s not a fallacy. I know I’m hopelessly in love and his face is all I see.

The unsettling reality.

They told her what to do. They explained to her how to do it. They gave her opportunities to do it. They expected her to do it. They wanted her to do it. She had to do it.

They said he could do it by himself. He was only 14. They told him he was independent and brave. But he just wanted to play with his friends. They pushed him to do it. Called it motivation.

She saw blood on her jeans. She ran home as fast as she could. Everyone told her she’s a woman now. She didn’t understand. They told her to cover it up. Hide it, not talk about it. As if it’s something to be ashamed of.

People called his love unnatural. His parents called a pandit to purify his soul. People asked him to just switch. “It’s easy”, they said, “Just try.” What if I asked them to do the same? He thought.

Her daughter idolised her. They society treated her like a commodity. She did what she had to do to earn money. She didn’t like the double standards the government had about her profession. She never aspired to be this. If only she had gotten a chance to educate herself.

School was like a never-ending nightmare for him. He tried to ignore their words. Forget about their cruel pranks. But their voices echoed in his head all day. One of them said, “Kill yourself”. So one day, he did.

She told her parents about it. Her voice was shaking and trembled with each word she spoke. She told them she was scared. They didn’t believe at first. He was her uncle, after all. She broke down into tears. Her mother hugged her and softly whispered in her ear, “Forget it ever happened.” She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach and anger building inside her.



STEP OUT OF STEREOTYPES. STOP LABELLING PEOPLE. STOP TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO. BE FEARLESS.

I wanted to write this because it's something that I come across everyday. Here, where I live. And I think it's really important to address these issues.
I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to say.
Thanks for reading.
Stay awesome and fearless.
xoxo.

A wonderful drive.

When I reached down, he was already waiting for me. Leaning against his car and with a smile across his handsome face. I started to walk up to him. I was wearing a blue, sleeveless dress. Nothing fancy, I was also wearing a necklace that my friend had gifted me, it had my name written on it in a really pretty font. My hair was down, below my shoulders. It was soft and wavy because I had washed it earlier that day. For some reason, I felt like I was glowing, a permanent smile had taken over my face ever since I'd seen him.

He looked incredible. He was wearing a black shirt ( he rarely ever wore shirts), with faded jeans. Again, nothing fancy but nevertheless he looked attractive. 

He opened the door for me and said I looked beautiful. That made me blush. 

I think it was more because of the word he used, 'beautiful'. It's such a strong word and has so much more depth than pretty, cute, hot or whatever. (That's my opinion.)

Suddenly, I felt nervous and he noticed that. Being the amazing person that he is, he eased the situation by initiating the conversation.

He said let's get out of this town
Drive out of the city
Away from the crowds
I thought heaven can't help me now
Nothing lasts forever
But this is gonna take me down
He's so tall, and handsome as hell
He's so bad but he does it so well

-Taylor Swift

It was 12 am and we were driving through empty roads. There was no crowd on the streets, zero loud noises. It was so peaceful and beautiful. The city lights made the night sparkle. 

The music was perfect, the sound of a soulful acoustic guitar with Ed Sheeran's calming voice. 

This is the moment that I wanted to be stuck in. 

We drove in absolutely no silence. We talked about everything. Surprisingly, we were so comfortable with each other, it's like I could tell him exactly what I felt. His sense of humour was cute, he made me laugh almost every minute. I realised a lot of things about him. 

I loved how intelligent he was. 

I told him how talented he was and that I was his number one fan. He laughed at that.

His laugh, it was adorable. We made eye-contact for so long but it was not awkward at all. It felt normal and there was not a hint of nervousness in me. It was unbelievable, unbelievably perfect.

Later, we decided to sit by the shore for a bit. The weather was pleasant, just like everything else. The wind was blowing on our faces and that made me feel more alive than ever. I was feeling very cold though.(the sleeveless dress)

He made fun of me for feeling that cold. It was November, okay? Even though it's never really winter here.

Well, of course he didn't feel cold because he was wearing a shirt.
He asked me a lot of questions, I liked that. He genuinely wanted to know me. I told him I don't open up to people easily. He smiled and said he figured that out some time back. 
I nodded, well, yes because I barely talked to him when we first got to know each other.

I told him a lot of embarrassing and random secrets about me. I was starting to trust him.

He told me his secrets too. He told me how immature and stupid he was back in college.

But I already knew that. I didn't say that out loud though.

FYI, when I first met him, I despised him. SO MUCH.

AND THEN HE SAID THAT HE REALLY LIKED ME.

My heart melted. Before I could say anything, he hugged me.

His long hands wrapped around my body like a warm blanket.

I felt so special and fuzzy inside. I said I liked him too. My feelings for him were intense and strong. I was so glad to hear that he felt the same.

I ran my hand across his hair and it felt like heaven.

We hugged for about, oh I wasn't counting. But I wished it could have been longer.

The drive back home was quieter. Because we were too tired to talk and also because I wasn't sure how this would work out. I didn't want to think about it so I just decided to look outside to distract myself. I kept repeating what happened in my mind and smiled to myself. This usually what I do to hold on to something special or memorable.

We reached home. Before going to our separate homes, we hugged again. A shorter but still a meaningful hug which brought me to my toes. Did I mention how tall he was? I loved that about him. Our height difference was huge. Not that it mattered to me.

All of this took place in a very special place called- MY MIND. 

AND as idealistic and impractical as I am, I don't think this would ever happen. But I'm okay with that, I think....

What's something that you know would never happen but wished it would?

Tell me in the comments.

Stay awesome.

The Struggle of texting first.

That awkward moment when you want to text someone but you don't want to look desperate so you DESPERATELY wait for them to text first.

I do that. I know you do too. 

It's so frustrating, really. So, you're talking to this guy on tinder or facebook or whatever the hell it is you're chatting on and he's pretty nice.(which means he makes you smile at your phone)

 Funny with flirty thing going on and all. Just really interesting to talk to. So, you chat for hours and before you realise, it's 12 am, but you don't care. 

The next day, you see him online and you're just like," Oh hey, yay! He's online! WE SHOULD TOTALLY TALK BUT. (That 'but' ruins it all)

You open your chat and are so close to touching your keypad but you don't, you just don't.

Because of this question- WHY SHOULD I START THE CONVERSATION?

Boom. Result is- None of you start the conversation and you end up just staring at your phone screen with hopeful eyes. Waiting and waiting. 

This goes on for about a week, then two weeks and hey, it's a month now.

And you just sit and wonder, why didn't he text me back after that awesome conversation we had?

Overthinking, starts in 3,2 and 1.

And then, you hear this sound from your phone.

What the fuck just happened? 

You are so excited that you might just throw your phone. But you tell yourself,"okay, calm down. I mean it's not a big deal, he just texted you. WHAT. YAY! HE TEXTED ME.

So, after a minute of excitement, you reply.

And no, your reply doesn't remotely show how happy you are. I mean you're just like, "Oh hey"

Translate- OMYGAWD! I'M SO GLAD WE'RE TALKING.

This is you, smiling at your phone.

And this goes on.

Tell me this has never happened with you.  I think it's funny but at the same time, you are giving yourself a hard time. A hard time with a lot of overthinking and waiting. So, maybe you shouldn't think too much about sending that,''hey'' to the guy or girl you like. I mean what's the worst that could happen? Them thinking that you're too desperate but trust me, that's just your negativity and fear which by the way could also be holding them back from texting you.

This is for both, girls and guys. We all have those questions and doubts in our head but we really shouldn't let them control. (I know, look who's talking but I'm trying to change that.)

So, text that fascinating girl or guy whenever you want to. Show them that you like talking to them or they might think that you don't care. But you do, right? Of course you do.

Anyway, thank you for reading this and I hope you guys were able to relate.

I'd really like to know what you thought of my blog but I'm no mind-reader so please leave your opinions in the comment section. Criticism or Praises, I accept them all graciously. They're your opinions and they matter though try not to be too harsh with words, you'll know if you've read my first post. :)

Take care and stay awesome.

xoxo

Be your best friend.

Let's talk about being alone. So, On a Friday night, you see this lady dining alone, sitting two tables away from you, staring at the menu. She is isn't sad but doesn't look to happy either. She just looks thoughtful and tired.

Tell me the first thought that crosses your mind.

The first thing might be, "Oh, why is she sitting alone?" or something like that. Something that questions her choice to dine alone. 

Some people might even feel bad for her. WHAT? 

But the truth is that a lot of people enjoy spending time alone.

I like being alone too. I've always loved it.

 When I was a kid, I used to imagine how cool would it be if just for one day my parents would go out and I could be home alone and do whatever the hell I wanted to. 

I think spending time with myself keeps me sane. It gives me time to think or to completely blank out. 

Talking to myself is fun too. I usually do this in the washroom and it's mostly when I'm in a really bad mood.

If I have no one else to tell my sob story, I'm gonna have to narrate it to myself.

And a lot of times, people just don't give a fuck. They're listening but hell, you don't know what they're thinking. 

My thoughts, exactly.

What I realised: 

Embrace your individuality, spend some time with yourself (you're an awesome person, you know?), analyse your thoughts but not too much or you'll end up overthinking like me.

Every experience changes you, you should keep up with that change or you might lose yourself.

What I learned about myself:

Now this I could have written in the "About me" section but I didn't really know it until last year. So, here goes:

I am sensitive to words. Those harsh words. They can kill me, really. 

I have no time for fake friends. So no, I will not pretend to be friends with you.

I can be rude, unintentionally. I need to work on my social skills. I have improved, okay?

I am an introvert. I don't like everything that comes with it, but I am fucking proud that I am one.

I judge people. This could be because of my insecurities. I don't know. (Don't judge me.)

I care too much. If you tell me your sob story, I will cry with you.

What you should do:

Don't ever judge yourself. If an embarrassing or weird thought comes up in your mind. Ask why instead of pushing it down.

It's cheesy but true, you're unique, alright! So, don't try to mould yourself into that thin supermodel or that popular jerk at school.

Write about your thoughts. So, you can record any change that happens and also you can laugh at how stupid you were. ( I always do.)

Talk to yourself. No, it's not weird. Try it.

I really hope you guys are able to relate to what I'm saying. But if not, then please tell more about your stupid opinion in the comments. (Just kidding, I'd love to hear any opposing opinions.)
Also, tell me what you like to do when you're alone, right there, in the comments below. :)

Take care and stay awesome.